It happens on the playground when you are, 8 to 9 years old
A bully roams this school playground.
And you guessed it — you are his favorite plaything.
He is the walking embodiment of every weakness and insecurity you have:
Laziness, fear of not being good enough, smart enough, strong enough.
He is not your stereotypical, punch him back and he runs away bully.
He’s the real deal. A big, fat evil boy who is looking for a fight.
He is looking for a fight. And he will gladly fight you without consequence.
Every day, he comes and rubs your face in the sand. He’s bigger than you. Stronger than you.
And he can certainly kick your nuts out.
Every day, in the same 15-minute window, he comes over and humiliates you in front of your classmates.
He calls you names. Punches you in the stomach. Slams you on the ground.
“Loser…” He says and slaps you across the head.
“Fight me, you moron.” Slaps you across the head.
And shoves you to the ground.
Your classmates just watch.
Each bullying session embodies a defeat you experience in your life.
Every rejection. Every failure. Every missed goal missed opportunity.
You remember each of these. You feel shame in them.
The bullying continues for weeks.
One day, it starts again as usual.
You see him approaching. The classmates turn around and look at you.
The bully gets in your face. He pushes you.
He pushes you again.
He says, “Pussy. A wimpy little pussy.”
He pushes you again.
At that time, out of completely nowhere, something in you is triggered.
You take a swing at him.
He blocks it.
A flurry of swinging arms and punches unfolds. A dirt cloud shoots up as you fight back against the bigger boy.
It is a full-on brawl with everyone watching. Fists swinging, haymakers flying.
BANG.
Suddenly everything goes black just after you see those bright electric blue flashes.
It stays black for a while and you are as disoriented as you will ever be.
At some point later, you open your eyes. You are laying on your back in the dirt.
Stars are swimming in your vision. You see the sky above you.
You were knocked out.
Your friend is standing over you.
He is smiling.
“Good job man!”
But…
But how did you do a good job?
You just lost the fight. You got knocked out. Knocked out in front of everyone.
Well.
Yes, you lost, technically. You got knocked out.
You won in the bigger picture
Your tormenter also walked away with a black eye. A busted lip. A bloody nose.
Enough damage for him to not bother with you anymore.
You won some respect from your classmates for standing up to the bigger boy.
More importantly, you preserved your own self-respect.
The next time you fight, you will not be shocked at how it feels when that haymaker makes that brutal contact with your face.
You already know.
That contact will disorient you a little lesser each time and if you keep getting punched enough — At some point it will flare a ferocity in you that will just make you lethal when punched.
In the meanwhile, for the good books and theoretical rhetoric, you will have something too.
Whatever life throws at you, whatever the impossible situation, wherever the odds of achieving success seem remote:
You will say to yourself, “I might lose at this. But I’m not going down without a fight.”
You’ll probably do a lot better than you’d imagined.
And even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll save yourself the pain of regret.
You’ll know that you didn’t wimp out, roll over and die.
That is how you will learn to fight — Not in the controlled atmosphere of the gyms or martial arts classes with mouth guards and knee pads on with defined rules of engagement.
But on the street, behind that schoolyard, under those thick old banyan trees, in the dirt with bare knuckles and unknown adversaries…
Something that you will need for years to come
Before you finally decide to give it all up when you come face to face with another powerful adversary:
Your mind.
